A Moving Experience, Forever Changed

After spending countless days here at the house, I decided to get out and get some exercise. For the last few weeks Scott has run all the errands because I have felt too bad, but this time I decided to do them. Something kind of funny about me is that I never run errands without letting myself go to at least one place fun while I am out. No matter how bad I feel, I am not going to run errands without at least making one fun stop! This stop is my reward for having to go and do things that I really do not want to go and do! So, this time I decided to go to Arlington Resale. (This resale shop is right up the road, and all of the proceeds benefit Arlington Pregnancy Centers.) While I was there, I saw many awesome things and had a good time digging for hidden treasures. But then all of the sudden even though I was happy, I started crying. CRAZY! I was just overcome with emotion as I looked at all the stuff that people had donated. It was very moving to me to see how people had given so many nice things to help out such a worthy cause! I started thinking about my own baby and how much I love him/her. I was overwhelmed with God's goodness and faithfulness to me. It rushed over me like a flood! At that moment I realized just how precious ALL life is-not just the baby that I am carrying. Standing in that store I felt great compassion for the girls/women who are helped each year by the pregnancy center. I wished in that moment that I could give them my same joy and passion for motherhood. While I stood looking at shoes at this shop, things starting making sense to me. A lot of the bitterness and heartache that I have felt for so long just seemed to disappear. God was doing a work in my heart! What started in that store has been unfolding over the last twenty-four hours. As I sit here at my kitchen table and type, I feel very different than I did a week ago. Sometimes God reveals to us why we go through things in life, but sometimes we never really know why we were allowed to go through such painful stuff. As I have thought about my experience at the resale shop, God has revealed so many things to me. Instead of feeling hurt and resentment towards the Lord and others because of the infertility issues, I have a heart of gratitude and a heart of forgiveness. I feel like the Lord is helping me release and let go of things. Why is this? Well it is not because I am a super forgiving person. Actually, that is one of the most difficult things I have had to learn to do! No, I can forgive because I know that what I went through was for a purpose way bigger than me or any of the plans I could have made for myself. When you are going through difficult stuff, it is tough to rejoice. However, when you can look back and see that it was for a purpose, your heart is given no other choice but to rejoice. God allowed me to go through all of this so that I could have His heart for others. Who better to empathize than someone who has been through the same things? Sometimes we as humans just cannot understand the importance or truly value something until we have had to do without it. I think that is why I had such a strong response while I was at the store. I know what it is like to want something so bad and not have it! God has given me an excitement about His creation that has come out my sadness and grief. Women who choose to abort their babies do not think about things like this. I pray that my story will not only be used to encourage women with infertility issues, but that it will also be used to reveal truth to women who have bought into lies. Every baby is a precious gift, and God has a plan for every child! God has showered me with his goodness so that nothing else really seems to matter! I have a story to share and an awesome testimony of God's faithfulness in my life! Most of all, I can look back and say that it was ALL worth it!